One of the ways to read the two of cups is in terms of projection. Suppose I painted a lovely portrait of my partner, capturing him perfectly. In my picture he is obviously wearing the shirt that I chose for him, sitting as I positioned him, in the mood I decided. He and the picture are a perfect match.
As weeks pass, he changes positions, outfits, moods. One day he does something that is out of character of the portrait version of him, and I am somewhat perplexed. I look at him, I look to the portrait, and because the portrait brings up all the usual emotions, I might say, “I think I will continue to see him as the portrait version, because I know that to be a true version of who he is.” Remember also, that the suit of cups is about our emotions.
When we lock someone into who they were, we lose the ability to see who they are. In a tense relationship, we may refuse to see sharp edges becoming softer. We may refuse to see that a good friendship has become harmful because we hold to the portrait image, missing the cues that boundaries are being crossed, that this relationship has become abusive, trying to squeeze them back into who they were, or what the relationship was.
Delete the Picture of the Two of Cups
What if we were to let go of the portrait? Who would you see in front of you? How has the person, relationship evolved? A character in one of the Batman movies once said, “We are defined by what we do, not by what’s underneath”. Release them from who they used to be, who you thought they were. Begin to observe them, like you are meeting them for the first time.
Relationship researchers, Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Gottman talk about the concept of building a love map of people’s inner world. I challenge you to let go of the portrait and look more deeply at the people in your lives. In most cases, they have been waiting for you to catch up.
